Τελείωσα τὴν πρώτη μου ὁμιλία ἀφοῦ ἀναφέρθηκα στὶς πρωινὲς προσευχὲς καὶ αὐτὸ ποὺ μποροῦν νὰ σημαίνουν στὸ ξεκίνημα τῆς μέρας. Ἀλλὰ ἔρχεται μιὰ στιγμὴ ποὺ ἡ μέρα φτάνει στὸ τέλος της καὶ τότε τὶ κάνουμε μὲ τὶς βραδυνὲς προσευχές; Μποροῦμε νὰ τὶς ἀντιμετωπίσουμε μ’ ἕναν γνήσια λειτουργικὸ τρόπο καὶ νὰ νιώσουμε τὸν Θεὸ μὲσα ἀπὸ τὶς προσευχὲς ἀπὸ τὸ προσευχητάρι, μὲ τὶς προσευχὲς τῶν ἁγίων καὶ ὁποιαδήποτε ἄλλη ἀκολουθία. Ἀλλὰ μόνο αὐτὸ μποροῦμε νὰ κάνουμε; Νομίζω πὼς τὸ πρῶτο πράγμα ποὺ θὰ πρέπει νὰ γίνει, εἶναι νὰ θέσουμε μὲ ἠρεμία τὸν ἑαυτὸ μας μέσα στὴν παρουσία τοῦ Θεοῦ, καὶ νὰ καταλαγιάσουμε, συνειδητοποιώντας ὅτι ἡ μέρα ἔφθασε στὸ τέλος της, ὅτι κυραρχεῖ ἡ παρουσία τοῦ Θεοῦ, καὶ εἰσερχόμαστε στὴν ἡσυχία τῆς νύχτας, ποὺ σημαίνει καὶ τὸ τέλος τοῦ κόπου τῆς μέρας.
Πρὶν ἀπὸ λίγο καιρὸ, ἦλθε νὰ μὲ δεῖ ἕνα κορίτσι. Κάθισε παίρνοντας τὴν πιὸ δυστυχισμένη ἔκφραση καὶ εἶπε: «Πατέρ, εἶμαι ἁμαρτωλή». Καὶ λοιπὸν, εἶπα: «Τὸ γνωρίζω αὐτὸ, τὶ ἄλλο;» Εἶπε : «Ὅποτε κοιτάζω στὸν καθρέφτη, ἀνακαλύπτω ὅτι μ’ εὐχαριστεῖ νὰ τὸν κοιτάζω καὶ νοιώθω ὅτι αὐτὸ εἶναι μάταιο. Εἶπα: «Λοιπὸν,προσπάθησε νὰ θεραπεύσεις τὴν ματαιότητα μὲ τὴν εὐγνωμοσύνη». «Πῶς γίνεται αὐτό;», εἶπε. Εἶπα, «κάθισε μπροστὰ ἀπὸ ἕναν καθρέφτη, παρατήρησε κάθε χαρακτηριστικὸ τοῦ προσώπου σου καὶ ὅποτε βρίσκεις κάτι ὅμορφο, πές: «Ὦ Θέε μου, σ΄ εὐχαριστῶ ποὺ μοῦ τὸ ἔδωσες αὐτό». Καὶ ἀφοῦ Τὸν εὐχαριστήσεις γιὰ κάθε ὀμορφιά, πές: «Κύριε, συγχώρα με ποὺ σ’ αὐτὸ τὸ γλυκὸ πρόσωπο, ὑπάρχει μιὰ δυστυχισμένη κι ἄσχημη ἔκφραση».
Καὶ πιστεύω, ὅτι κι ἐμεῖς, κληρικοὶ καὶ μὴ, μποροῦμε νὰ τὸ κάνουμε αὐτὸ δίχως κάποιον καθρέφτη, ἁπλὰ μὲ τὴ σκέψη ὅτι: «Ναί, ὅλα ἔγιναν καλά, ὁ Θεὸς μοῦ ἔδωσε τὴ δύναμη νὰ βλέπω, νὰ κατανοῶ, νὰ ἔχω θέληση, ζεστὴ καρδιά, δύναμη. Μοῦ τὰ ἔδωσε ὅλα. Πόσο εὐγνώμων εἶμαι γι’αὐτό! Δὲν σημαίνει ὅτι δὲν φέρθηκα σωστά, ἀλλὰ ὁ Θεὸς μοῦ ἔδωσε τὶς δυνάμεις ποὺ χρειαζόμουνα γιὰ νὰ κάνω τὸ σωστό. Πόσο Τὸν εὐγνωμονῶ ποὺ μοῦ ἐπέτρεψε νὰ εἶμαι συνεργάτης Του, νὰ ἐνεργῶ γι’ αὐτὸν, νὰ γίνω τὰ χέρια, τ’ αὐτιά, ἡ παρουσία Του». Ἔτσι ποὺ νὰ μποροῦμε νὰ ξεπερνᾶμε τὶς κρίσεις ματαιότητας, ἀπομακρύνοντάς τις σταδιακὰ μὲ τὴν εὐγνωμοσύνη, ἐπειδὴ ἡ ταπείνωση ξεπερνάει κατὰ πολὺ τοὺς πιὸ πολλοὺς ἀνθρώπους, ἀλλὰ τὴν εὐγνωμοσύνη εἶναι εὔκολο νὰ τὴν νιώσουμε.
Τώρα, τὸ δεύτερο στοιχεῖο εἶναι ὅτι ἀφοῦ τὸ κάνουμε αὐτὸ, πολὺ συχνά, πράγμα ποὺ κάνει ἕνας ὀρθόδοξος χριστιανὸς, στρεφόμαστε μὲ εὐλάβεια στὶς βραδυνὲς προσευχὲς ὅπως, εἶναι γραμμένες στὸ προσευχητάρι μας. Τώρα, πρέπει νὰ μάθουμε νὰ εἴμαστε τίμιοι, νὰ μὴν μένουμε στὴν εὐλάβεια καὶ νὰ τὴν ἀντικαθιστοῦμε μὲ τὴν ἐντιμότητα. Ὅλες οἱ προσευχὲς ποὺ διαβάζουμε, εἴτε πρόκειται γιὰ ψαλμοὺς, ἤ γιὰ προσευχὲς ἁγίων, δὲν γράφτηκαν σὰν μιὰ μορφὴ μελέτης, οὔτε σὰν ἄσκηση λογοτεχνική. Κάποτε, κάτω ἀπὸ τὴν πίεση κάποιων ἐσωτερικῶν ἤ ἐξωτερικῶν καταστάσεων, ἀνάβλυσε ὅπως τὸ αἷμα, ἀπὸ τὴν καρδιὰ κάποιου ἀνθρώπου. Ὑπῆρξε, εἴτε ὡς κραυγὴ θριάμβου, κραυγὴ μετανοίας ἤ δυστυχίας. Τότε ἦταν ἀληθινὲς, τώρα εἶναι γραμμένες σὲ χαρτὶ, ἀλλὰ τὶ μποροῦμε νὰ κάνουμε μὲ αὐτὲς τὶς προσευχές; Μποροῦμε εἰλικρινὰ νὰ φανταστοῦμε ὅτι μποροῦμε ὁλόψυχα νὰ διαβάζουμε συνεχῶς προσευχὲς ποὺ καθρεφτίζουν τὴ ζωὴ τῶν ἁγίων τοῦ Θεοῦ;
Στὸ βιβλίο τῶν προσευχῶν μας, ἔχουμε προσευχὲς τοῦ Ἁγίου Ἰωάννου τοῦ Χρυσοστόμου, τοῦ Μεγάλου Βασιλείου καὶ ἄλλων. Μπορῶ νὰ φανταστῶ ὅτι μπορῶ νὰ ταυτιστῶ ἐντελῶς μὲ κάποιον ἀπ’ αὐτοὺς τοὺς Ἁγίους, μὲ κάποιες προσευχές; Καὶ λέω, «ἐντελῶς». Ὄχι! Καὶ δὲν ὑπάρχει κανένας λόγος νὰ διαβάζω αὐτὲς τὶς προσευχὲς στὸν Θεὸ σὰν νὰ προέρχονται ἀπὸ ἐμένα, ἐνῶ δὲν ἔχουν κανένα κοινὸ μὲ τὴ ζωή μου· εἶναι αὐταπάτη νὰ φανταζόμαστε ὅτι ὁ Θεὸς ἀγαπᾶ τοὺς ψαλμοὺς καὶ εὐχαριστιέται νὰ ἀκούει νὰ τοὺς ξεφουρνίζω τὸν ἕνα μετὰ τὸν ἄλλο. Τοὺς ἀγάπησε ὅταν γεννήθηκαν ἀπὸ τὴν ψυχὴ τοῦ βασιλιᾶ Δαυϊδ ἤ ἄλλων ἀνθρὠπων, ἀλλὰ ὄχι ὅταν τοὺς διαβάζουμε μὲ ἀδιαφορία.
Λοιπὸν τὶ μποροῦμε νὰ κάνουμε γι’ αὐτὸ, εἴτε πρόκειται γιὰ ψαλμοὺς, ἤ γιὰ προσευχὲς; Αὐτὸ ποὺ μποροῦμε νὰκάνουμε εἶναι νὰ σταθοῦμε, ἄν πιστεύουμε στὴ βοήθεια καὶ τὴ μεσολάβηση τῶν ἁγίων καὶ νὰ βροῦμε μιὰ προσευχὴ ἀφιερωμένη στὸ ὄνομα ἑνὸς ἁγίου, νὰ μποροῦμε νὰ ποῦμε: «Ἅγιε Ἰωάννη Χρυσόστομε ἤ Ἅγιε Βασίλειε, θὰ διαβάσω τὴν προσευχὴ σου, προσευχήσου μαζί μου, δῶσε τὴ δύναμη νὰ φτάσει στὸν οὐρανὸ καὶ ἄν εἶναι δυνατὸν, βοήθησέ με νὰ καταλάβω τὶ ἐννοεῖς». Καὶ τότε διάβασε αὐτὴ τὴν προσευχὴ ἤ αὐτὸν τὸν ψαλμὸ προσεκτικὰ. Ὅσο μποροῦμε νὰ διαβάζουμε μὲ τιμιότητα καὶ νὰ λέμε: «Ναὶ, συμφωνῶ μ’ αὐτὸ, ἐκφράζει κάτι ἀληθινὸ γιὰ ἐμένα ἤ γιὰ τὴν συμπεριφορὰ μου πρὸς τὸν Θεὸ, πρὸς τὴ ζωὴ, τοὺς ἀνθρώπους», ὅλα εἶναι καλά. Ἀλλὰ ὅταν συναντᾶμε ἕνα κείμενο ποὺ εἶναι ἐντελῶς ἄγνωστο σ΄ ἐμᾶς, πρέπει νὰ ἔχουμε τὴν τιμιότητα νὰ σταματᾶμε καὶ νὰ λέμε: «Κύριε, αὐτὰ τὰ λόγια οὔτε κἄν ἔχω ἀρχίσει νὰ τὰ καταλαβαίνω, δὲν μπορῶ νὰ καταλάβω πῶς ἕνας ἅγιος μποροῦσε νὰ πεῖ τέτοιο πράγμα, δὲν γνωρίζω τίποτα γιὰ τὴν ἐμπειρία του ἀπὸ τὴ σχέση Του μ’ ἐσένα, τὴν ἐμπειρία ποὺ ἔχει ἀπὸ τὴ ζωή ἤ γιὰ τὴν συμπεριφορὰ του πρὸς τους ἀνθρώπους. Μπορῶ νὰ τὶς διαβάσω ὡς κανόνα, μὲ σκοπὸ νὰ τυπωθοῦν στὸν νοῦ καὶ τὴν καρδιὰ μου, αὐτὸ μπορῶ μόνο νὰ κάνω. Μιὰ μέρα, ἴσως νὰ μπορέσω νὰ πῶ αὐτὰ τὰ λόγια ὄχι στὸ ὄνομα ἑνὸς ἁγίου, ἀλλὰ βιωματικὰ, ὅμως αὐτὸ μπορῶ μόνο νὰ κάνω». Καὶ ἄν τὸ κάνουμε αὐτὸ, πόσο τίμιοι θὰ εἴμαστε καὶ πόσο λίγα λόγια θὰ λέγαμε στὸ δικὸ μας ὄνομα.
Λυπᾶμαι, ἴσως εἶμαι ἀπαισιόδοξος, ἐπειδὴ κοιτάζομαι στὸν καθρέφτη ὅσο μιλῶ.
Τώρα, ὑπάρχει κάτι σημαντικὸ ποὺ μποροῦμε νὰ κάνουμε. Τὸ ἕνα εἶναι νὰ καταλάβουμε τὶ θὰ ποῦμε στὸν Θεό. Πολὺ συχνὰ συναντᾶμε αὐτὲς τὶς προσευχὲς μόνο τὴ στιγμὴ ποὺ προσευχόμαστε. Μᾶς ἐντυπωσιάζει ἡ μιὰ ἤ ἡ ἄλλη φράση, ἀλλὰ καθὼς προσευχόμαστε μαζὶ μὲ τὸ ἐκκλησίασμα, δὲν ἔχουμε χρόνο νὰ σταματήσουμε. Δὲν μποροῦμε νὰ στραφοῦμε πρὸς τὸ ἐκκλησιάσμα καὶ νὰ ποῦμε : «Μὲ συγχωρεῖτε, θέλω νὰ σκεφτῶ λίγο πάνω στὸ συγκεκριμένο σημεῖο γιατὶ μοῦ κέντρισε τὴν προσοχὴ». Συνεχίζουμε, ἀλλὰ πρέπει νὰ ἐπιστρέψουμε πίσω, ὅταν βρισκόμαστε σὲ στιγμὲς ἠρεμίας ὅταν εἴμαστε στὸ δωμάτιο μας, νὰ καθίσουμε καὶ νὰ ποῦμε: «Τὰ λόγια αὐτὰ μοῦ κεντρίζουν τὸ ἐνδιαφέρον ὅταν τὰ διαβάζω, γιατί; Τὶ σημασία ἔχουν γιὰ μένα; Ἄν μὲ ἀγγίζουν, σημαίνει ὅτι ἔχουν ἀντίκτυπο μέσα μου αὐτὲς οἱ λέξεις καὶ βρίσκουν ἀπήχηση στον νοῦ, τὴν καρδιὰ καὶ τὴ ζωή μου. Τὶ σημαίνουν γιὰ μένα; Ἄν σκεφτόμαστε ἔτσι γιὰ τὶς προσευχὲς ποὺ διαβάζουμε καθημερινά, γίνονται σταδιακὰ κομμάτι δικό μας καὶ ἡ ἐμπειρία πιὸ σπουδαίων ἀνθρώπων ἀπὸ ἐμᾶς γίνεται δικιὰ μας ἐμπειρία, καὶ γύρω ἀπὸ τὶς λέξεις προσευχῶν, ἡ ἐμπειρία μας γιὰ τὴ ζωὴ ἀρχίζει νὰ ἀναπτύσσεται, ἔτσι ποὺ ὅταν χρησιμοποιοῦμε αὐτὲς τὶς λέξεις, ὁλόκληρη ν’ ἀνθίζει στὸ νοῦ καὶ τὴν καρδιά μας.
Καὶ μπορῶ νὰ σᾶς δώσω ἕνα παράδειγμα γιὰ κάτι ποὺ μὲ ἄγγιξε πολὺ καὶ ἀκόμα μὲ συγκινεῖ. Ἤμουν 19 ἐτῶν, βρισκόμουνα στὴν ἑνορία μας μ’ ἕναν ἠλικιωμένο διάκονο καὶ διαβάζαμε ἐναλλάξ. Ἀλλὰ διάβαζε μὲ μιὰ ταχύτητα τόσο ἀσυνήθιστη ποὺ δὲν μποροῦσα νὰ παρακολουθήσω τὶς γραμμές τοῦ κειμένου. Μετὰ τὴν ἀκολουθία τοῦ εἶπα: «Πάτερ Εὐβίμιη, μοῦ κλέψατε ὅλη τὴν ἀκολουθία! Καὶ τὸ χειρότερο, εἶμαι σίγουρος ὅτι δὲν μπορέσατε νὰ προσευχηθεῖτε». Ἦταν ἀναίδεια ἀπὸ μέρους μου, ἀλλὰ ἤμουνα νέος. Καὶ αὐτὸς ὁ ἄνδρας τῶν ὀγδόντα ἐτῶν ἄρχιζε νὰ κλαίει κι εἶπε: «Συγχώρα με! Ἀλλὰ ξέρεις, γεννήθηκα σ’ ἕνα πολὺ φτωχὸ χωριὸ, στὴ Ρωσία, οἱ γονεῖς μου ἦταν πολὺ φτωχοὶ γιὰ νὰ μὲ θρέψουν. Στὴν ἡλικία τῶν ἑπτὰ μὲ ἔδωσαν σ’ ἕνα μοναστήρι γιὰ νὰ τραφῶ καὶ νὰ σπουδάσω. Ἔμεινα ἐκεῖ ὅλη μου τὴ ζωή. Ὅλες οἱ λέξεις, ὅλοι οἱ ἦχοι ποὺ ἄκουγα κάθε μέρα συνδέθηκαν τόσο πολὺ μὲ τὴ ζωὴ μου, ὥστε ὅταν κοιτάζω ἕνα βιβλίο, ὅταν βλέπω μιὰ λέξη, ἡ ψυχὴ μου ἀρχίζει νὰ τραγουδᾶ ὅπως ἕνα χέρι ποὺ ἀκουμπάει τὴν χορδὴ μιᾶς ἅρπας». Κι ἔτσι βλέπετε λοιπὸν, γι΄αὐτὸν τὸν ἄνθρωπο κάθε λέξη ἔγινε μιὰ χορδή, καὶ τοῦ ἦταν ἀρκετὸ νὰ τὸν συνεπαίρνει ἡ προσευχὴ καὶ νὰ ψέλνει. Αὐτὸ εἶναι κάτι ποὺ θὰ πρέπει νὰ μάθουμε μὲ τὶς προσευχὲς ποὺ χρησιμοποιοῦμε –νὰ συνδέονται, τόσο μὲ αὐτὸ ποὺ εἴμαστε, ἔτσι ὥστε κάθε ἦχος, κάθε λέξη θὰ πρέπει νὰ φέρνει στὴ μνήμη μιὰ λατρευτικὴ πράξη. Αὐτὴ ἡ πράξη λατρείας, ἀγάπης, ἴσως νὰ συμβεῖ μία φορὰ στὴ ζωὴ μας, ἀλλὰ θὰ ἔχει ἀνεξίτηλα σημαδέψει τὴν ψυχή μας.
Τὸ δεύτερο ποὺ εἶναι πολὺ σημαντικὸ εἶναι νὰ τοποθετήσουμε τὴν προσευχὴ στὴ ζωή μας καὶ τὴ ζωή μας στὴν προσευχή. Αὺτὸ γίνεται, ἀφοῦ ποῦμε στὸν Θεὸ: «Θεέ μου, χάρισε μου αὐτὴ τὴ δυνατότητα» ποὺ σημαίνει ὅτι παίρνω τὴν εὐθύνη νὰ κάνω ὅ,τι μπορῶ γιὰ νὰ τὰ καταφέρω. Δὲν θὰ καθίσω ἁπλὰ νὰ περιμένω νὰ κάνει γιὰ λογαριασμὸ μου ὁ Θεὸς ὅ,τι μπορῶ νὰ κάνω μόνος μου ἤ ὅ,τι θὰ ἔπρεπε νὰ κάνω γιὰ Ἐκεῖνον.
Ὑπάρχει μιὰ ἱστορία γιὰ τὸν Ἅγιο Φίλιππο Νέρι. Ἄνθρωπος θυμώδης ποὺ κατάφερνε νὰ διαπληκτίζεται μὲ τοὺς περισσότερους ἀδελφοὺς στὸ μοναστήρι. Μιὰ μέρα κουράστηκε. Ἔτσι πῆγε στὸ παρεκκλήσι, ἔπεσε στὰ γόνατα μπροστὰ ἀπὸ τὸ ἄγαλμα τοῦ Ἰησοῦ καὶ εἶπε: «Κύριε, δῶσε μου ὑπομονή!». Καὶ ἀφοῦ προσευχήθηκε γιὰ λίγο βγῆκε στὴν αὐλή. Ἐκεῖ συνάντησε ἕναν ἀδελφὸ ποὺ πάντα ἦταν καλὸς μαζὶ του καὶ καθὼς περνοῦσε τοῦ ἔκανε ἕνα πικρόχολο σχόλιο. Φούντωσε καὶ τοῦ φέρθηκε ἄσχημα. Προχώρησε πιὸ πέρα καὶ συνέβη τὸ ἴδιο: συνάντησε ἕναν ἄλλο ἀδελφὸ, τοῦ εἶπε τὶ συνέβη κι ὁ ἀδελφὸς τοῦ εἶπε: «Εὐτυχῶς γιὰ σένα!» Ἔτσι ἀπελπισμένος ὁ Ἅγιος Φίλιππος ἔτρεξε πίσω στὸ παρεκλήσι, γονάτισε μπροστὰ στὸ ἄγαλμα τοῦ Ἰησοῦ: «Κύριε, δὲν Σοῦ ζήτησα νὰ μοῦ δώσεις ταπείνωση; Καὶ ἀκούστηκε ἡ φωνὴ τοῦ Χριστοῦ ἀπὸ τὸ ἄγαλμα: «Καὶ σοῦ δίνω πολλὲς εὐκαιρίες γιὰ νὰ μάθεις νὰ ὑπομένεις».
Πρέπει νὰ κατανοήσουμε ὅτι δὲν μποροῦμε νὰ λέμε τὸν Θεό, «Κάντο Ἐσὺ γιὰ μένα». Μποροῦμε νὰ ποῦμε: «Κύριε, κατάλαβα ὅτι αὐτὸ χρειάζομαι. Θὰ κάνω αὐτὸ ποὺ μοῦ ἀναλογεῖ καὶ δῶσε μου τὴ βοήθεια Σου, ἐπειδὴ χωρὶς ἐσένα δὲν μποροῦμε νὰ κάνουμε τίποτα, ναί». Εἶναι ἀλήθεια ἐπίσης ὅτι ἡ δύναμη τοῦ Θεοῦ ἀποκαλύπτεται στὴν ἀδυναμία μας, ναί, ἀλλὰ πρέπει νὰ προσφέρουμε τὴν ἀδυναμία αὐτὴ στὸν Θεό, νὰ βρισκόμαστε ἐκεῖ καὶ πρέπει, νὰ Τοῦ ἐπιτρέψουμε νὰ δράσει καὶ νὰ κάνουμε ὅ,τι μποροῦμε.
Καὶ κάποιες φορές μποροῦμε νὰ ξεγελᾶμε τὸν ἑαυτὸ μας γιὰ τὸ καλό. Θυμᾶμαι, ὅταν ἤμουνα φοιτητὴς τῆς ἰατρικῆς, συνήθιζα νὰ ἐπιστρέφω ἀπὸ τὸ νοσοκομεῖο καὶ ἔπρεπε νὰ στρίψω μιὰ γωνία ἀπ’ ὅπου μποροῦσα νὰ βλέπω τὸ διαμέρισμα μας ἀπὸ τὴν κορυφὴ ἑνὸς σπιτιοῦ. Κάθε πρωΐ, τὴν ἄνοιξη καὶ τὸν χειμώνα, ἔλεγα στὴ γιαγιὰ μου: «Σὲ παρακαλῶ, μὴν κλείνεις τὸ παράθυρο μου, ὁ καιρὸς εἶναι τόσο καλός». Καὶ πάντοτε ὅταν ἔστριβα τὴ γωνία κι ἔβρισκα τὸ παράθυρο κλειστό· καὶ μὲ νεῦρα, χωρὶς νὰ τὸ δείχνω, πήγαινα σπίτι καὶ ἔλεγα στὴ γιαγιὰ: «Γιαγιά, δὲν σοῦ ζήτησα νὰ μὴν κλείνεις τὸ παράθυρο;» Καὶ πάντα εἶχε μιὰ δικαιολογία. Μιὰ μέρα βαρέθηκα καὶ σκέφτηκα: «Ὄχι, θὰ δοκιμάσω κάτι διαφορετικὸ». Ἔτσι, ἔφθασα στὴ γωνία καὶ πρίν στρίψω, σκέφτηκα: «Στοιχηματίζω πώς τὸ παράθυρο εἶναι κλειστό». Ἔτσι ἔστριψα τὴ γωνία καὶ τὸ παράθυρο ἦταν κλειστό. Εἶπα: «Κέρδισα! ». Καὶ τὸ ἀποτέλεσμα ἦταν ὅτι δὲν ἤμουν πιὰ θυμωμένος, ἀλλὰ ἱκανοποιημένος μὲ τὸν ἑαυτὸ μου. Ἔτσι βλέπετε, πῶς μπορεῖτε νὰ βρεῖτε πολλούς τρόπους γιὰ νὰ ἐφαρμόσετε στὴ ζωὴ σας τὰ λόγια τῆς προσευχῆς σας καὶ ἀντίστροφα.
Ἀλλὰ εἶναι πολὺ σημαντικὸ οἱ προσευχὲς νὰ ὑφαίνονται σὲ κάθε νῆμα τῆς ψυχῆς σας γιὰ νὰ μποροῦν νὰ ἔχουν δύναμη ἐπάνω σας, ἐπειδὴ πολλὰ πράγματα ἀσκοῦν δύναμη – οἱ κακίες ἔχουν δύναμη, οἱ μνῆμες ἔχουν δύναμη. Γιατὶ τὸ Εὐαγγέλιο ἤ οἱ λέξεις μιᾶς προσευχῆς φαίνεται νὰ ἔχουν λιγότερη δύναμη ἀπὸ τὴν κακία ποὺ νοιώθουμε γιὰ κάποιον ποὺ μᾶς προσέβαλε ἐπιφανειακά; Θυμόμαστε γιὰ χρόνια πράγματα, ὑπάρχουν σὰν πληγὴ, σὰν δηλητήριο.
Θὰ σᾶς δώσω ἕνα παράδειγμα γιὰ τὸ τὶ ἐννοῶ γιὰ τὴ δύναμη τῆς προσευχῆς στὴν ψυχή μας ὅταν γίνεται ἕνα μ’ αὐτὴν. Ἕνας ψάλτης μας, ἡλικιωμένος, μὲ ὄμορφη φωνὴ, ἀρρώστησε μὲ καρκίνο, μεταφέρθηκε στὸ νοσοκομεῖο καὶ λίγο-λίγο πέθαινε. Τὸν ἐπισκεπτόμουνα καθημερινὰ καὶ λίγο ἀργότερα, κάθε πρωΐ ἡ προϊσταμένη τοῦ νοσοκομείου μοῦ ἔλεγε: «Δὲν πρέπει νὰ ἔρχεστε, εἶναι χαμένος χρόνος. Δεν ἔχει τὶς αἰσθήσεις του». Πῆγα στὸ δωμάτιο ποὺ ἦταν καὶ ἄρχισα νὰ ψέλνω μιὰ σύντομη ἀκολουθία. Σταδιακὰ, μποροῦσε κάποιος νὰ δεῖ νὰ ἐπανέρχεται καὶ γιὰ λίγο, πρίν τὸ τέλος τῆς ἀκολουθίας, ἔψελνε μαζί μου -ἀδύναμα, ὅσο μποροῦσε, ἀλλὰ εἶχε συνείδηση καὶ μποροῦσε νὰ μιλήσει. Κάποια μέρα ἦρθα καὶ τὸν βρῆκα ἐντελῶς ἀναίσθητο, σὲ κῶμα, μὲ τὴ γυναίκα του ἀπὸ τὴ μιὰ πλευρὰ, τὴν κόρη του ἀπὸ τὴν ἄλλη καὶ ἡ γυναίκα του μοῦ εἶπε: «Τὶ τρομερὸ -ἤμασταν στὴν Ἰαπωνία, φθάσαμε σήμερα καὶ δὲν μπορέσαμε κἄν νὰ τὸν φιλήσουμε γιὰ νὰ τὸν ἀποχαιρετήσουμε πρὶν πεθάνει.» Καὶ εἶπα στὴν κόρη του: «Πήγαινε δίπλα στὴ μητέρα σου». Τότε γονάτισα δίπλα του κι ἄρχισα νὰ ψέλνω σιγὰ τοὺς ψαλμοὺς τῆς Μ.Ἑβδομάδας καὶ τοῦ Πάσχα. Καὶ μποροῦσε κάποιος νὰ δεῖ νὰ ἐπανέρχεται, ἄνοιξε τὰ μάτια του καὶ τοῦ εἶπα: «Πεθαίνεις, στ’ ἀριστερὰ σου εἶναι ἡ κόρη σου καὶ ἡ γυναίκα σου, ἀποχαιρέτησέ τις». Ἀποχαιρετίστηκαν καὶ τότε, εἶπα: «Τώρα, ἀναπαύσου ἐν εἰρήνῃ. Ἔπεσε σὲ κῶμα καὶ πέθανε. Δὲν ἦταν θαῦμα, δέν ἐννοῶ ὅτι μέσα ἀπὸ ἐμένα, ἔγινε θαῦμα. Εἶναι γεγονὸς ὅτι ἀπὸ πολὺ μικρὸς, αὐτοὶ οἱ ὕμνοι εἶχαν γίνει ἕνα μὲ αὐτὸ ποὺ εἶναι ἡ Ζωὴ μὲ «Ζ» κεφαλαῖο γι’ αὐτόν, ποὺ τὸν ἐπανέφεραν στὴ ζωὴ γιὰ ὅσο χρόνο ἦταν ἀναγκαῖο. Αὐτὸ εἶναι λοιπὸν κάτι ποὺ πρέπει νὰ μάθουμε νὰ κάνουμε καὶ νὰ διδάξουμε καὶ τοὺς ἄλλους νὰ κάνουν.
Πιστεύω λοιπὸν, πὼς οἱ ἔγκυες γυναῖκες θὰ πρέπει νὰ προσεύχονται, ὅτι οἱ μητέρες μὲ μικρὰ παιδιὰ θὰ πρέπει νὰ ψέλνουν πάνω ἀπὸ τὴν κούνια τους προσευχὲς ἤ νὰ τὶς διαβάζουν, γιατὶ δὲν γνωρίζουν πῶς τὰ ἅγια ἤ ἁπλὰ λόγια, μποροῦν καὶ ὑφαίνονται στὸ στημόνι τῆς ψυχῆς ἑνὸς παιδιοῦ.
Καὶ δὲν μποροῦμε νὰ ποῦμε ὅτι ἡ συνείδηση παίζει ἀποφασιστικὸ ρόλο. Θυμᾶμαι πὼς στὴ διάρκεια τοῦ πολέμου, εἴχαμε ἕναν στρατιώτη ἀλσατό, ποὺ ποτὲ δὲν ἔμαθε γαλλικά, μιλοῦσε μόνο Γερμανικὰ καὶ Ἀλσατικὰ παρὰ τὸ γεγονὸς ὅτι γεννήθηκε ἀνάμεσα στοὺς δύο πολέμους, ὅταν ἡ Ἀλσατία πέρασε πάλι στὴ Γαλλία. Καὶ εἴχαμε ἕναν πολὺ νέο ἱερέα ποὺ τοῦ μιλοῦσε, ἐνῶ εἶχε τὶς αἰσθήσεις του. Μιὰ μέρα, βγῆκε ἀπὸ τὸ δωμάτιο μὲ δάκρυα στὰ μάτια καὶ μοῦ εἶπε: «Εἶναι τρομερό, δὲν εἶναι σ’ ἐπαφὴ μὲ τὸ περιβάλλον του, δὲν μπορῶ νὰ κάνω τίποτα γι αὐτὸν πλέον». Καὶ εἶπα: «Μὴν εἶσαι ἀνόητος, πήγαινε στὸ δωμάτιο του, κάθισε καὶ διάβασέ του ἀργά, καθαρὰ τὸ Εὐαγγέλιο ξεκινώντας ἀπὸ τὴν ἀνάσταση τοῦ Λαζάρου». Καὶ αὐτὸς ὁ νέος ἱερέας, τὸ ἔκανε αὐτὸ γιὰ τρεῖς μέρες, δὲν ἐννοῶ μέρα καὶ νύχτα, ἀλλὰ περιοδικὰ, τὸτε τὸν ἄφησε νὰ ξεκουραστεῖ. Πρὶν πεθάνει αὐτὸς ὁ ἄνδρας, συνῆλθε καὶ μοῦ εἶπε: «Σᾶς εὐχαριστῶ ποὺ τὸν προτρέψατε νὰ τὸ κάνει. Μποροῦσα νὰ ἀκούω κάθε λέξη. Δὲν μποροῦσα νὰ ἀντιδράσω, ἀλλὰ μοῦ ἔδωσε νέα ζωή».
Καὶ αὐτὸ μποροῦμε νὰ κάνουμε γιὰ ἐμᾶς καὶ τοὺς ἄλλους, ὄχι σὲ καταστάσεις ἀκραῖες, ἀνθρώπων ποὺ πεθαίνουν, ἀλλὰ σὲ ἀνθρώπους ποὺ ἁπλὰ βρίσκονται σὲ κώμα πνευματικὸ, σὲ πνευματικὸ ὄνειρο, ἀλλὰ ποὺ ἔλαβαν αὐτὸ τὸ μήνυμα δίχως κἄν νὰ τὸ ἀντιληφθοῦν, καὶ ποὺ μιὰ μέρα θὰ μποροῦν νὰ προσεύχονται κι ἔστω γιὰ μιὰ στιγμὴ, νὰ ποῦν μιὰ λέξη. Θυμᾶμαι ἕναν ἀπὸ τοὺς ἁγίους μας, τὸν Ἀββᾶ Σιλουανὸ νὰ λέει ὅτι ἄν γιὰ μιὰ φορὰ στὴ ζωή μας, μπορούσαμε νὰ ποῦμε μὲ ὅλο μας τὸ εἶναι: «Κύριε, ἐλέησόν με», τότε θὰ σωζόμασταν.
Καὶ θυμᾶμαι ἐπίσης μία Μουσουλμανικὴ ἱστορία γιὰ ἕναν Βεδουΐνο ποὺ κάλπαζε γιὰ ὧρες μὲ τὸ ἄλογο του γιὰ νὰ φθάσει στὸ Τζαμί, ἀλλὰ ἔφθασε πολὺ άργά. Μπῆκε μέσα τὸ βρῆκε ἄδειο μὲ μόνη τὴν παρουσία ἑνὸς μουλά καὶ ἀναστέναξε. Καὶ ὁ Μουλάς εἶπε: «Ἄν μόνο μποροῦσα νὰ ἀναστενάξω γιὰ μία φορὰ στὴ ζωή μου, ὅπως ἐσύ, θὰ ἦταν ἡ καλύτερη προσευχὴ ποὺ θὰ μποροῦσα νὰ προσφέρω».
Ἔτσι βλέπετε πώς τὰ πράγματα εἶναι πιὸ ἁπλὰ, πιὸ ἀνθρώπινα, ἀπ’ ὅ,τι τὰ κάνουμε ἐμεῖς, ὅταν προσπαθοῦμε νὰ γίνουν ἱερατικὲς ἤ εὐσεβεῖς τελετὲς ἤ τοὺς δίνουμε σχῆμα. Οἱ ψυχὲς τῶν ἀνθρώπων εἶναι ἀνοιχτὲς, εἶναι ζωντανὲς καὶ μποροῦν ἀπὸ τὴν φυσικὴ ζωὴ ἑνὸς δημιουργήματος πλασμένου κατ’ εἰκόνα Θεοῦ, νὰ ἔλθουν σὲ ἀληθινὴ κοινωνία μὲ τὸν ζωντανὸ Θεό.
Ἀπόδοση στὴν νεοελληνική: agiazoni.gr
Second talk
7 May 1989
And then there will be of course the adverse. We will have to say, “Lord, I have not responded either to Your presence or to Your prompting or the cry of need, which I heard, or to what I saw. Worse – I have responded in a bad way, in a dismissive way, in a cold way. And worst of all – in a “pious” way, and am I ashamed of it. And so we could make a confession to God of the essential failings of the day and express our gratitude to God about the good things. And at this point we may well find ourselves face to face with a temptation. When things have gone wrong, in a way things are easier because we can express our sadness to God about the way in which we have treated Him and others; but when things have gone well, it is so easy to boast and to feel, “I am great.” Well, there is a solution to this.
Some time ago a girl came to see me. She sat with the most miserable expression on her face and said, “Father, I am a sinner.” So I said, “Well, I know that, what next?” She said, “Whenever I look at a mirror, I find that I am lovely to look at and I feel it’s vanity”. I said, “Well, try to cure vanity by gratitude”. “How that?” she said. I said, “Place yourself before a mirror, detail every single feature of your face and whenever you find that something is lovely, say, ‘O God, thank you for having made this feature, having given me this feature’. And when you have said Him “thank you” for every single feature of loveliness, say, ‘Lord, forgive me that on this lovely face I have put this miserable and ugly expression’ ”.
And I think, we can do that, clergy or not clergy, without any special mirror, simply thinking, “Yes, this I have done well, God gave me the vision, the understanding, the good will, the warm heart, the occasion, the possibility. God gave me it all. How grateful I can be for it! It doesn’t mean that I haven’t done it: I have done it, but God gave me all the elements I needed to do the right thing. How grateful I am that He allowed me to be His co-worker, to do it for Him, to be His hands, His ears, His presence”. So that we can overcome these bouts of vanity by gradually pushing them out by gratitude, because humility is far too big for most of us but gratitude is accessible at any point.
Now, the second thing is that having done this, very often, say, an Orthodox will always, turn to evening prayers as they are couched in our Book of Prayer. Now here we must also learn honesty, overcome piousness and replace it by integrity. All the prayers which we read whether it is psalms or the prayers of the saints, were written not in a study, not as a literary exercise. There was a moment when under the pressure of circumstances, either internal or eternal, they gushed like blood out of someone’s heart. They were either a cry of exultation, or a cry of repentance, or a cry of misery. They were true at that moment. Now they are on paper, but what can we do with these prayers? Can we really earnestly imagine that we can day after day read prayers that mirror the life of the saints of God wholeheartedly? In our Book of Prayer we have prayers by St. John Chrysostom, St. Basil the Great and so forth. Can I imagine that I can identify completely with anyone of these saints, with anyone of these prayers? And I say “completely”. No! And there is no point in reading these prayers to God as though they came from me while they have nothing to do with me or little. It’s a delusion to imagine that God likes psalms and it’s His pleasure to hear me trot out one psalm after the other. He has loved them when they came out of the soul of king David or others but not when we read them just with indifference.
So what can we do about it whether it is psalms or prayers? What we can do is to take our stand, if we believe in the help and the intercession of saints and we find a prayer inscribed by the name of one them, we can say, “St. John Chrysostom or, St. Basil, I will read your prayer, pray with me, lift this prayer off the ground and if possible, help me understand what you meant.” And then read this prayer attentively or this psalm attentively. As long as we can do honestly the reading and say, “Yes, I can agree with this, it expresses something true about me or about my attitude to God, to life, to people”, all is well. But when we come upon a passage which is totally alien to us, we must have the honesty to stop and say, “Lord, this I do not even begin to understand. I can’t understand how this saint could say such a thing. I know nothing about his experience of You or his experience of life, or his attitude to people. I can read it as a programme, I can read it in order to impress it upon my heart and mind but that is all I can do. One day, perhaps, I will be able to say these words honestly in my own name and not only in the name of this saint but that’s all I can do now.” And if we did that, how honest we would become and how little we would be able to say in our own name.
Well, I am sorry, I am perhaps, a pessimist because I look at myself in the mirror while I speak.
Now, there is something important which we can do. We must manage two things: the one is understand what we will say to God. Very often we meet these prayers only at the moment when we pray, we are struck by a phrase or another, but as we are praying together with a congregation, we have no time to stop. We can not turn to the congregation and say, “Sorry, I want to meditate a little on that because it has struck me.” We go on, on, on, but we must come back when we are peaceful in our study or in our room. Sit down and say, “These words struck me when I read them, why? What did they convey to me? If they struck me, it means that there is an echo within me between these words and my total experience of mind and heart and life. What do they convey to me?” And if we meditate that way over the prayers, which we read day after day, gradually they become part of us and the experience of greater men or women than we are become our experience, and around the words of prayers or the phrases of one prayer or another, our experience of life begins to collect, so that when we use these words, the whole experience springs to mind or to heart.
And I can give you an example of something that moved me very deeply and still moves me. I was about nineteen years of age, I was in our parish church together with an old deacon who was reading together with me, that is, in turns. But he read at a speed that was so extraordinary that I simply couldn’t even follow with my eyes the lines. After the service I said to him, “Father Evfimiy, you have stolen the whole service from me! And what is worth, I am sure you couldn’t have prayed”. It was very arrogant but I was nineteen. And this man who was in his eighties began to cry and said, “Forgive me! But you know, I was born in a very poor little village in Russia, my parents were too poor even to feed me. At the age of seven I was given to a monastery to be fed and educated. I remained in this monastery all my life. All the words, all the tunes I have heard day after day, they have become so interwoven with me that when I look at the book, when I see a word, all my soul begins to sing as though a hand had touched the cord of a harp”. And so you see, for this man every word has become a cord, and it was enough for him to see for his soul to sore in prayer and to sing in prayer. That is what we should learn to do with the prayers which we use – to get them so integrated, interwoven with what we are that every sound, every word should evoke an act of worship. This act of worship, of adoration may happen once in my life but it is there indelibly marked in my soul.
The second thing, which is very important in that respect, is to make our prayer into life and our life into prayer. That is, if we have said to God, “God, grant me this”, it means that I am undertaking to do all I can to achieve it. I will not simply sit and wait for God to do in me and for me what I can do for myself or should do for Him.
There is a story about St. Philip Neri, I believe. He was a man of hot temper who had managed to quarrel with most brothers in his monastery. One day he got tired of it. And so he went into the chapel, fell on his knees before a statue of Christ and said, “Lord, grant me patience!” And having prayed a little, he went out into the courtyard. There he met one of the brethren who had always been kind to him and who in passing made a scathing remark. He flared up and abused him. He went a little bit farther and the same happened: he met another brother and told him what had happened, and this brother said, “O well, good for you!” So in desperation St. Philip ran back into the chapel, fell on his knees before the statue of Christ: “Lord, have I not asked You to give me patience?” And the voice of Christ came from the statue, “And I am multiplying occasions for you to learn it.”
Well, we must be aware of that, that we can not say to God, “Do it for me”. We can say, “Lord, I have understood that such is my need. I will do my share and give me Your help because without You we can do nothing, yes”. It’s also true that the power of God deploys itself in weakness, yes, but we must offer this weakness to God, we must be there and allow Him to act, and do all that we can.
And at times we can cheat ourselves for the good. I remember, when I was a medical student, I used to come back from the hospital and I had to round a corner from which I could see our flat on top of a house. Every morning I said to my grandmother in the spring and in the summer. “Please, don’t shut my window, the weather is so good”. Every time I rounded the corner, I saw that the window was shut; and boiling inwardly I went home and said to Gran, “Gran, didn’t I ask you?” And she had always a good reason why she had shut it. One day I got tired of that and I thought, “No, I’ll work it out differently”. So I reached the corner but before rounding it, I said to myself, “I bet the window is shut.” I rounded the corner and so it was shut. I said, “I have won!” And the result of it was that I was no longer angry, I was pleased with myself. So you see, how one can, you can find a lot of ways in which you can apply the words of your prayers to life and vice versa.
But it is very important that the words of prayer should get so interwoven with every fibre of our soul as to be able to have power over us because a lot of things have power – resentments have power, memories have power, what not. Why is it that the Gospel or the words of prayer have less power than the resentment we have for someone who has offended us really very superficially? We remember things for years, it’s there like a wound, like a poison.
And I will give you an example of what I mean by this power of the prayer over our soul when it is interwoven with it. One of our singers, an old man who had the most beautiful voice fell ill with cancer, was taken to hospital and was gradually dying. I visited him daily and after a short while the matron said to me every morning, “O you shouldn’t have come, it’s a waste of time. He is unconscious.” I went into the room where he was and began to sing a short service of intercession. Gradually one could see consciousness awaken in him and for a while before the end of the service he was also singing with me – weakly, as he could, but he was conscious and we could talk. Then a day came when I have arrived and I found there this man totally unconscious in a coma with his wife on one side, his daughter on the other, and the wife said to me, “How terrible – we were in Japan, we have arrived today and we can’t even kiss him goodbye before he dies.” And I said to the daughter, “Move on to the other side and sit next to your mother.” Then I knelt next to this man and began to sing to him softly the tunes which we use in Holy Week and Easter. And one could see consciousness welling up in him, and he opened his eyes, and I said, “You are dying, your wife and your daughter are on your left, say goodbye to them.” They said goodbye, and then I said, “Now, go in peace.” And he went down into his coma and died. And it was no miracle, I don’t mean to say that I worked any kind of miracle. It is the fact that from early childhood these tunes were so interwoven with what was the Life with a capital “L” for him that it brought him back for as long as was needed. So this is something, which we must learn to do, but we also must teach, teach others.
And I feel that it’s very important that pregnant mothers should pray, that mothers who have got small baby children should sing over their cradle prayers or read them, because you do not know how sacred words or simply words can get woven into the fabric of a child.
And we cannot say that consciousness plays a decisive role. I remember during the war we had a soldier who was an Alsatian who had never learnt French in spite of the fact that he was born between the two wars when Alsace was already French again and he spoke only Alsatian and German. And we had a very young Protestant pastor who talked to him while he was conscious. One day he came out of the room, his face streaming with tears and said to me, “It’s horrible, he is unconscious now, I can do nothing for him anymore.” And I said, “Don’t be a fool, go back to his room, sit down and read slowly, clearly the Gospel to him starting with the raising of Lazarus.” And this young minister did that for three days, I don’t mean day and night but in periods, then he let him rest. Before he died, this man came to consciousness and said to me, “Thank you for having made the minister do that. I could hear every word. I could not respond but it gave me new life”.
And that can be done by each of us to ourselves and to others, not in these extreme situations of coma, of dying people but of just people who are in a spiritual coma, who are in a spiritual dream but who have received without even perceiving it this message and who one day will be able to pray and to worship, even one moment, to say one word. I remember, one of our saints, the Staretz Siluan saying that if we could say once in our life with all our being, “Lord, have mercy!”, we would be saved.
And I remember also a Moslem story of a Bedouin who had galloped for hours and hours to be at a mosque but he arrived too late. He entered the mosque, saw it empty only with the mullah being there and he sighed. And the mullah said, “If only I could sigh once in my life as you have done, it would be the best of prayer, which I can offer”. So you see, things are infinitely simpler, more human, more direct than what we make them to be when we try to make them into clerical exercises or pious exercises, or give them a shape. Human souls are open, are alive and they can be brought from the natural life of a creature made in the image of God into the communion, into real communion with the living God.
